Friday, December 10, 2004


A Personal Interlude...

The foundation of any meaningful relationship is trust. You may love your husband, for example, but are things really good if he lies constantly and does things behind your back? You can trust someone without loving them, but it's hard to love someone without trusting them. Ugh. I already sound like a self-help book, but nevertheless, I think the point is still sound, if not Hallmark-y.

Trust is also a building block of society. We trust that our food supply isn't contaminated with lead, that our bridges are safe, that we'll have a Social Security check to receive when we're old. And yet, so often out trust in the state is compromised. Most of us have developed a cynical eye towards our government, and the politics that fuel it, but we go on. The majority react to this whole spectacle with something like apathy.

I don't think it's so easy on an individual basis. Example: I just found out my best friend of over a decade isn't the person I've known him to be, and has betrayed and undermined me in a profoundly antagonistic way. Not an event I'd recommend to start your day out.

I never intended this blog to be a weepy confessional, and I don't intend to change those intentions. But I do honestly ask as a philosophical quandary, how do you learn to trust again when those closest to you betray you? We're talking in a big picture way, too. Not who ate that last package of Twinkies. Because if you find you can't trust a person you've known most of your existence, someone who's journeyed through all of life's peaks and troughs right alongside you, how can you trust anyone at all?

In my heart of hearts, I've always been an optimist. I still am. But on days like this, I wonder how many among us are marching around wearing masks, concealing agendas, tucking away their secret thoughts for fear they might wander into the open. It's one of those unsolvable dilemmas: is humanity fundamentally good, a la The Diary of Anne Frank, or fundamentally bad a la The Lord of the Flies? It's an answer I don't pretend to have. Although, like most things, the truth is probably somewhere in between.

Again, readers, I apologize for this sturm and drang. I promise to get back to news and sarcasm with a slice of toast as soon as possible, but honestly, I can't think about anything else, and I welcome anyone's thoughts.

Trusting is hard when people close to you betray you. I know as I've been there.

You don't learn to trust again overnight. It comes slowly after a day with another old friend; or meeting some new people and finding yourself enjoying them and forgetting not to trust for an hour.

But you're still vulnerable then and trust should come slowly. Maybe the new people are the bridge between your old and new life. Maybe you'll find yourself communicating with someone in a coffee house, forgetting the time and slowly realizing that you can trust again. It takes time, and belief in your own value and let me stop before I sound even more like a new age singer.

I think it all begins with forgiveness. You must find it in your heart to forgive and only then will you have peace and let you trust again. Easier said than done, of course.

Wish you all the best.

Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?